November 2, 1998
C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET *
WHAT NON-AARDVARKS ARE PONDERING THIS WEEK...
01 OPENTV + ECHOSTAR = ?Interactive satellite TV is on its way. Because picking up the phone for home shopping is just too much of a hassle.
02 PALM COMPUTINGMicrosoft recently attempted to assimilat-- er, purchase the 3Com division which makes PalmPilot handheld organizers. 3Com politely said "Go f**k yours"-- er, "No."
03 THE STATE OF THE ONIONLarry Wall speaks on the Perl programming language. And lots of other random stuff.
04 RIOThe RIAA's injunction against the portable MP3 player has been denied. As it should be. My people believe that no man can own music.
05 THE LAST BROADCASTLoral subsidiary CyberStar will distribute this film-- all 9GB of it-- in MPEG-2 format via satellite to theatres. Because it's KEWL, DØØDZ!!!
06 ELECTIONSLet's see-- should I vote for the dark-haired, mud-slinging, unscrupulous bastard, or the gray-haired, mud-slinging, unscrupulous bastard?
07 VIAGRAAirline pilots have been warned not to use it less than six hours before flying. (Insert your own "coffe and a blowjob" joke here.)
08 SMARTQUILLThis new gadget uses accelerometers to accomplish handwriting recognition. Yet another useful technology made possible by the space cadet program.
09 BORIS YELTSINThe Russian President checks into a sanitarium. Don't even act surprised.
10 UNIX AS LITERATUREO Bourne Again, Bourne Again! wherefore art thou Bourne Again? / Deny thy father and refuse thy name; / Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, / And I'll no longer be FreeBSD.
with apologies to Jim Mullen
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