August 31, 1998
NEXT HOTSHEET: September 14, 1998



by Curtis C. Chen

01 CLONING A millionaire wants to clone his pet dog. I can see it now: "Replace the fish you forgot to feed -- your kids will never know the difference!"

02 VIAGRA Irony: the words "Viagra", "69", and "death" occurring in the same sentence.

03 ANTI-TERRORISM People are investing more in security companies, such as those who make airport X-ray machines and metal detectors. This opens up a whole new area for insider trading...

04 TERAMAC A computer made out of junked parts runs a hundred times faster than a top-of-the-line workstation. What's next-- people taking old car parts and building them into high-performance vehicles? ...oh, wait...

05 SPECIAL EDITIONS One net.person claims that consumers of high-priced LaserDisc special editions (SEs) "pay" for lower-priced DVD versions of the same titles. It's trickle-down economics at work!

06 IN THE GHETTO "As the snow flies / On a cold and grey Chicago morn / A poor little baby child is born in the ghetto." (What do you mean, you didn't watch South Park last week?)

07 TITANIC You've seen it in the theatre. You heard it on your radio and CD player. Now experience 57% of the waterlogged epic on your dinky-ass television!

08 STAR TREK This week, the Sci-Fi Channel begins airing the original series (TOS) in remastered 90-minute "special editions" with cast interviews and other supplemental material. It's like LaserDisc, only worse.

09 CHE COSA HA DETTO? Italian movie dialogue dubbers have been on strike since June. You'll have to wait a few months for those Italian bootlegs of Saving Private Ryan with creative translations.


* with apologies to Jim Mullen

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