July 6, 1998  



by Curtis C. Chen

01 PARANOIA Yeah, sure, you've seen the X-Files movie and were sufficiently frightened by the Oiliens. But how much do you know about the real conspiracies?

02 UROULETTE The original random link page!

03 CELEBRITY CALCULATORS Who says math is boring?

04 iCat.com You too can build a free online store-- right after you pay $200 to set up a merchant account with your local bank.

05 TCI You knew AT&T bought the cable company, right? Did you blink?

06 THIRTY-SEVEN! A game based on the films of Kevin Smith.

07 DEMI MOORE She's divorcing Bruce Willis after eleven years of marriage. She just couldn't handle that fast-lane celebrity lifestyle.

08 AMISH Abner Stoltzfus and Abner Stoltzfus, two young Amish men, were caught buying cocaine from a biker gang. Community leaders Abner Stoltzfus and Abner Stoltzfus had no comment.

09 AND SPEAKING OF DOPE... Check out what the H-Dog has to say. And get your very own jive translator!

10 THE ZAPRUDER FILM: SPECIAL EDITION Abraham's heirs will release a digitally enhanced home video version of the famous film showing the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. With new computer-generated dewbacks.

11 ARMAGEDDON The word "flameout" comes to mind.


* with apologies to Jim Mullen

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