January 26, 1998
C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET *
WHAT NON-AARDVARKS ARE PONDERING THIS WEEK
1 THE YEAR OF SNOUT Can you dig it, man?
2 WHEN YOU CALL ME THAT, SMILE Gavin "cruising for a bruising" Wasserman brazenly announces on his Web site: "The dirt-piggish one, Curtis "Yes, by Jove, I am an Aardvark after all" Chen, claims that his pages will be redesigned and reorganized. I can't dis too much, because his pages are better than mine." (my emphasis) That's right, punk, and don't you forget it.
3 THE YEAR OF MOZILLA
4 CYBERSITTER TO THE RESCUE Not only does it protect you from offensive Web sites, it also protects you from offensive source code!
5 TYPO OF THE WEEK "A page-fuming novel or a smashing summer flick by its very nature cannot be a primary source of reliable scientific knowledge. Rather it can provide an invitation to ream."
6 COMPUTER HACKING FOR FUN AND INFAMY "Well," he said, "you have a few options: scribble ghodawful poetry in the corners of that looseleaf notebook; work for the school newspaper, yearbook, or literary magazine; or start a subversive underground newspaper. Yeah, I know they're all crappy choices! What did you expect? You're seventeen years old and enrolled in a public high school. And don't give me that college-application crap and try to do everything! Your head'll explode. I mean it."
7 SHOP THE NET Woo Song expresses concern about the security and reliability of on-line purchases. I do my best to set his mind at ease, using small, monosyllabic words. (Kidding! Kidding!)
8 A FLYING LEAP OF LOGIC Repeat after me: "Correlation does not equal causation."
9 SAFE AT ANY SPEED Many short people have been injured needlessly, but no more! (Why didn't we think of this sooner?)
10 THE DANCING BABY Ooga chaka chaka chaka ooga chaka chaka chaka.
11 MAGIC MICROWAVES Late last year, Haresh Kamath (Stanford ChemE class of 1995) assisted with the launch of Echostar III -- contributing in no small part, I'm sure, to Charlie Ergen's continued success in the satellite television arena.
12 BABYLON 5, SEASON 5 Did someone just hit the reset button? It suddenly feels like we're back in year one all over again...
14 SUPER BOWL XXXII So did you catch all the biggest commercials of the year? Or were you distracted by the football game that filled time between the advertising spots?
15 SOUTH PARK: THE MOVIE? If the dancing baby can boogie from one kind of CRT to another, then Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, et al. can certainly cuss their way onto the silver screen. I'll bet they're already big in Japan.
with apologies to Jim Mullen