One Time Loser

As expected:

Dear Friend,

I regret to inform you that your script was not selected as one of the 25 finalists in the NYTVF-Fox Comedy Script Contest. The decision tasked to our readers was a very difficult one, and unfortunately there were a number of quality scripts that were unable to advance to the next round of the contest. Narrowing the initial field of over 880 pilots down to 25 was a tremendous challenge, yet the New York Television Festival was thrilled with the response and was astounded by the quality of effort put forth by its community of talented scriptwriters.

Thank you again for the hard work and commitment exhibited in your pilot script. I encourage you to check back with the NYTVF Web site from time to time, as we hope to offer additional opportunities for aspiring television writers soon. In the meantime, we appreciate your support of the New York Television Festival and the independent television movement, and we hope to see you this September at the 2008 NYTVF.

Best Regards,

--NYTVF

On the plus side, this means I can start sending the script to some more readers for feedback. Maybe even a few who actually know something about writing half-hour comedies.

~CKL

Denvention Has Begun

One of the many sights we saw today at the 66th WorldCon:

From Denvention 3

(I'm not convinced it was an actual stargate. The wormhole was definitely open for more than thirty-eight minutes, and I didn't see any singularities nearby.)

For more photos and details, click on over to Travels With Our Cats!

~CKL

The Last of Dr. Horrible...FOR NOW

All three parts of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog are now online! Watch it for free and risk slashdotting their site again, or buy it from iTunes for a paltry four dollars. C'mon, skip the Starbucks for one day and do the right thing.

Just in case you've been living under a rock and have no idea what I'm talking about, I refer you to Penny Arcade's Tycho, who describes Dr. Horrible as "a supervillain musical written by Joss Whedon, starring a bunch of awesome motherfuckers. Why are you still here."



~CKL

Not Horrible At All

After being predictably slashdotted this morning, Act I of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is once again available for your viewing (and listening) pleasure. It's quite delightful.



If you hate streaming video as much as I do--and, more importantly, if you want to support the artists--I encourage you to buy the complete saga (parts 2 and 3 coming later this week) for a measly $4 from iTunes.

In related news, I also ponied up for a Daily Show multi-pass today--16 new episodes for $10, no commercials, auto-downloaded, and the writers get paid. Me likey. We haven't been watching for the past few months, but has John Stewart gone a lot more gray recently, or is it just me?

So far, our TV-over-Internet experience has been pretty good. We finished watching the most recent seasons of Reaper and House, and we've got My Name is Earl cued up. We don't really have a lot of free time while we're traveling, but after we settle down in Portland I'll probably shell out for Burn Notice and The Middleman (recommended by my friend Raj).

I haven't done the math yet, but I suspect paying for individual shows will also be more economical than cable or satellite. We were paying almost $80 a month with DirecTV, including HBO and TiVo fees, and even if iTunes or Unbox season passes are $40 a pop, we wouldn't have time to watch 24 shows a year--even if we could find that many programs we liked.

It's a little annoying that we can't download Medium and probably won't be able to get True Blood in a timely manner*, but we can always wait for DVD. Or make some new friends in Portland.

~CKL

* Get with the program already, HBO!

It's Just His Name

I'm sure it's no reflection of quality. From all indications, next week's online supervillain musical Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog will be quite entertaining. But of course, with Joss Whedon, Neil Patrick Harris, and Nathan Fillion involved, how could it be otherwise?


Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

This three-part extravaganza will only be (officially) available online from next Tuesday (7/15) through Sunday (7/20). Incidentally, I also keep a separate Google Calendar to track TV shows I'm interested in--usually I just mark season premieres or special events. It's gone a bit stale since we've been on the road, without TiVo or Entertainment Weekly, but if you're interested:



~CKL

Least Helpful Logline EVAR

 

"Apartment of Champions" Teaser

I've just submitted my entry for the FOX-NYTVF Comedy Script Contest. My synopsis:

In a city full of super-heroes, five young people with not-so-great powers and one normal college kid do their best to avoid great responsibility.

I don't actually expect to win anything, since this is my first time around the block, and I don't even watch sitcoms (except for How I Met Your Mother. I heart NPH). I basically wrote the Kevin Smith version of a superhero show--i.e., where all the fighting takes place off-screen, or not at all, and it's pretty much all banter about how ridiculous a world full of metahumans actually would be. (Seriously, who pays for all that property damage?) If I had to pitch it, I'd have to call it "Friends meets The Tick." And nobody's going to buy that.

I can't share the actual script here yet, since by entering the contest I have agreed "not to exhibit, disseminate, produce or broadcast, or authorize any third party to exhibit, disseminate, produce or broadcast, in any manner, media, or format, the script submitted as part of his or her entry (or portions thereof), for a period of one (1) month following the conclusion of the Contest." But I'll talk more about it after October 17th.

It was, however, a good writing exercise, and I have a much better feel for how much time and effort it takes me to produce thirty pages. Three revisions in one week is probably nothing by actual TV standards, but now I know I can pound out a new draft in six hours if I need to.

~CKL

John Grisham on "Foreshadowing"

From The Onion, America's Finest News Source:

Guess what? There is this really neat literary device I just learned about, and it's called "foreshadowing." It's this thing where, in the beginning of the story, you put in all these little "hints" about stuff that's going to happen later on. I can't wait to try it out!

Here's the thing. There is a difference between what makes a good book, in terms of art or even craft, and what makes a bestselling one. (I could give other examples.) An author has some measure of control over the former, but absolutely none over the latter.

I have no illusions about this. No matter how many book tours you do or how much money your publisher pours into marketing, you can't make people like something. This is why I don't understand all the "#1 movie in America" commercials for new releases--are people supposed to be so unsure of their own tastes that they need to rely on total strangers to tell them what they should enjoy?

When D and I went on the Warner Studio Tour, our guide asked everyone what their favorite WB/CW shows were so he could point out locations that had been used in filming them. We mentioned that we were big Buffy fans, and then the guy couldn't stop gushing about Moonlight, saying how "slick" it was and how the network had "designed" it to appeal to Buffy fans.

How can I put it delicately? Moonlight was crap, and I'm glad it's been cancelled, because now CBS can spend that money on something better. (Although they'll probably just order another CSI spinoff.) My original pessimism was confirmed by the pilot, and I decided not to waste any more time on it after that.

See, I don't understand people who indiscriminately love something because of its premise, sometimes sight unseen, with no regard to execution or actual content. Was I supposed to like Moonlight because I loved Buffy, and they both involved vampires? Here's a hint: I didn't love Buffy just because it had vampires in it. I loved it because of what they did with those vampires, and nobody does it like Joss Whedon and company. (But I'm still going to wait until I see Dollhouse before deciding whether I like it enough to petition for it. Seriously, folks. If you drool too much, you start to look like you're foaming at the mouth.)

If you are one of those poor souls still mourning Moonlight's cancellation, you have my sympathies, and I hope something better comes along for both of us. In the meantime, maybe you can go watch Van Helsing again. I hear that's got vampires in it.

~CKL

The Great Experiment

I am nothing if not malleable. Barely three weeks after complaining that I couldn't buy and download the TV shows I want to watch on my computer, I'm trying out the available options to see if I can live with them. So far, I've bought five episodes of Reaper from iTunes, and D and I have watched two of them. After this, it'll be House from Amazon Unbox.

So far, it's been pretty convenient, and I'm more than willing to pay $2 for an episode of a show I love--especially because it's a purchase, not a rental, and I get to keep the file for as long as I want. True, there's still crappy DRM attached, but it is the least of the associated evils.

Why don't I just use BitTorrent? Well, it's not terribly convenient, for one. I'm not a big fan of hunting down the right torrent and hoping that the download actually finishes. (Before you post your pollyanna comment: I'm glad it works for you. It rarely works for me.) Reliability is also a problem--especially at the moment, when we're dependent on hotel broadband that is usually sketchy and often throttles even streaming video traffic.

Another big issue is quality. True, iTunes video is nothing to write home about, and you can find HD content via torrents, but there's also a lot of low-quality, truncated, or simply mislabeled stuff out there. Given the choice between a data set that oscillates wildly between very good and very bad, and one that stays flatlined at pretty good, I'll take the linear fit, thank you.

Finally, I'm voting with my wallet. I have never been part of a Nielsen family (or even known any--have you?), and even when I'm using TiVo, I have very little confidence that the networks will pay any attention to my viewing habits, because they consider me a thief.* But if I'm actually giving them my money, and that money-giving is clearly attached to a particular program--well, I sincerely hope that even corporate executives are not that stupid. Besides, I can feel good that I'm directly contributing to the writers' residual payments, even if it's only a couple of pennies for each episode I buy.

* Yeah, treat your customers like criminals. That's a great business plan.

~CKL

What to Watch

You've got one more week to catch live coverage of the STS-124 mission on NASA TV, being transmitted from the Space Shuttle and International Space Station in Earth orbit. Seriously, there is nothing better on television right now. My favorite part is Karen Nyberg's zero-gee ponytail, which is a more awesome hairstyle than anything Hollywood can produce.

~CKL

Netflix Living Up to Their Name

Earlier this week, the Netflix Player set-top box launched. The Roku hardware costs $100, and the minimum subscription plan that lets you stream content is $9 a month. This would have been awesome, except for three serious deficiencies:

1. Limited selection - currently, only older movies and TV shows are available for streaming--less than 10% of Netflix's total catalog
2. No HD output - highest resolution is 480p.
3. As D says: "Streaming sucks."

Don't get me wrong. I think it's definitely a step in the right direction, and I'm glad to see Apple TV getting some competition, even if it's an orange. At least it's not a lemon. What's that about bad puns? I can't hear you, I've got a banana in my ear!

~CKL

TV or Not TV?

That's a rhetorical question.

We've been on the road for a month now, with poor access to broadcast TV, and I started thinking about ditching cable/satellite altogether when we settle down in Portland and putting the money into faster broadband instead. (Kind of like what my friend steadof is doing.) It's easy enough to pipe video from my laptop to my HDTV, and why pay for a bloated channel package that subsidizes sports, country music, and shopping channels I'll never watch, when I can just order exactly the episodes I want?

But I've done some research, and there are two big problems with that plan:

1. Convenience. There's no single place to stream or buy TV online. Every network has its own crappy web site and its own crappy, DRM-crippled video player, both of which circumstances annoy me to no end. Hulu seems like a good idea, but their selection is spotty, and streaming is always problematic.

I'm willing to pay for my shows, but I'd still have to go to at least two different vendors for the content--iTunes and Amazon Unbox. It's annoying, and there's no good reason for it. I'd much rather deal with a single Season Pass list on one TiVo.

2. Speed. I'm glad the writer's strike is over, but I have to agree with Harlan Ellison on the final WGA deal. The new contract states that for 17 days after the initial broadcast of a TV program, the writers receive no residual payments for free, ad-supported online viewing. It's even worse for new shows--for the entire first season, the no-residual period is 24 days. (Page 32. No joke.)

And you know what? The networks tend to take down their streaming episodes after a few weeks. That's a long time to wait, and a pretty brief window of opportunity, to watch a new episode of a show you love. Of course, there's no such time restriction on electronic sell-through (EST), but then we're back to problem #1.

There's a saying: "Fast, cheap, good. Pick two." Well, in this case, it's pick one, and it can't be "good."

We packed up our DirecTivo (an HR10-250) when we moved out of the bay area, but since it won't receive the new MPEG-4 channels, we may just switch to cable (and a shiny new Series3 HD Tivo) when we settle down in Portland. It's pretty clear that unless we want to deprive ourselves of a lot of the entertainment to which we've become accustomed (Good Eats! MythBusters! The Daily Show!), we'll have to pony up for some kind of cable TV.

I can't wait for the day when I can subscribe and download all the TV I want to watch, whenever I want, on any device I like, without any hassles or commercials. But that day is not today.

~CKL

Today In History: One Week Ago

Last Wednesday, for my belated birthday present, D took me on the "Deluxe VIP" Warner Brothers studio tour. (I didn't want to do it last fall because of the writers strike. I won't cross a picket line.)

The tour was a full five hours on the WB lot, including lunch at the commissary and walk-throughs of actual production areas (standing sets for "ER" and "Chuck," exteriors used in "Gilmore Girls" and Ocean's Thirteen, etc.). Lots of fun! As shown here:

WB Studio Tour

No photos were allowed in the studio museum, where the whole second floor was dedicated to some kid named Harry Potter. But my favorite exhibit was on the ground floor, of several memos from an executive first greenlighting the production of Bonnie and Clyde, then later writing a follow-up note saying he really should have read the script before agreeing to spend a whopping $1.6 million on something that had "no redeeming social value" (read: pr0n) and he was concerned about the commercial and critical prospects for the picture and could they maybe at least get some actual stars in the cast?

Some things never change. A Martian wouldn't say that!

~CKL

What the Frak?

I'm not a BSG fan (shocking, I know), but I appreciated the Sci Fi Channel's snarky 9-minute recap of the first three seasons.

In fact, I probably enjoyed that recap more than the first season, which I watched on DVD and then promptly gave away to my friend Bryan. I'm not saying it's a bad show. It's just not for me.

At some point, I'll write a longer post on how much it bugs me when putative sf/fantasy shows are insufficiently rigorous. That is, they come up with some amazing premise, but then fail to think through all the ramifications of the gimmick they used to sell the show. For now, I'll just name a couple of the current offenders: New Amsterdam and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Discuss amongst yourselves.

~CKL

Overheard at a Wedding

Ken and Jerry got married yesterday! They threw a great party, featuring the ultimate montage of TV and movie wedding scenes, a lightning-fast ceremony, excellent food and cake served by the Professional Culinary Institute, and Mr. Lobo swearing in the dearly beloved with a modified version of his Knights of Insomnia Oath.

Later, at the TARDIS table, there was a scholarly debate about the nature of comedy:

Chris: Hey, repeating one joke is what got Milton Berle where he is today.
Kevin: Dead?

My job for the first part of the evening was Doorman, and I wore a tuxedo because it seemed an appropriate costume. I was, of course, completely outdone by Andy and Kevin's military-inspired BDUs (they were working Security), and the happy couple outshone us all--Ken in the Tenth Doctor's brown suit and white Converse trainers, and Jerry in a gravity-defying corset. The bride also wore a strategically placed button which read: "Thanks! My husband likes them too."

However, I did receive a compliment of the highest order on my attire: an Englishman addressed me as "Bond." Thanks, Merv. I was stirred, not shaken.

~CKL

Not Safe For Work

Actually, this probably isn't safe for most homes, either.

Brought to you by Kevin Smith and the cast of his new movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno:



(If you're wondering where this came from, see Salon.com's chronology of effing videos.)

It's too bad that Elizabeth Banks can't actually sing. I'm almost as disappointed as I was that Alyson Hannigan didn't have the pipes to do a full song in the Buffy musical episode.

And to wrap up this musical tribute to intercourse, check out Jonathan Coulton's springtime anthem "First of May", which you can download for free. Because, as you know, the best things in life are free. And you can give them to the birds and bees.

~CKL

Oscar Fever

On Sunday, D and I threw our annual Oscar Party to watch the Academy Awards with friends. Favorite moment: our audience's boo/yay/meh cheers for each movie during the 80-years-of-Best-Pictures montage. (Gladiator: BOO! Lord of the Rings: YAY! Crash: meh.)

Nearly thirty people showed up, which is more than we've ever hosted. A thermometer at the edge of the crowd topped 74 degrees Fahrenheit, but I suspect the temperature was higher near the center of the room. And that's with an air conditioner and two fans running.

Even our TiVo was feeling the heat. Here's the internal temperature log from tivoweb:



As you can see, it always runs pretty hot, but 118F is unprecedented. Of course, the drives could have gone up to 50C (122F) and still been within acceptable operating limits.

That's hot. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

This was our last shindig in the bay area. We'll continue throwing Oscar parties in Portland next year, but Ken has offered to carry on the tradition down here. He, and anyone else who's interested, is welcome to use my Oscar Acceptance Speech BINGO cards for future events--I'll continue updating them every year and improving the word-sifter algorithm.

Last but not least, some photos from the evening:

View Album

Get your own

~CKL

My Mother-In-Law is in the Hospital

I wasn't privy to this morning's phone conversation, but I understand it went something like this:

D's Mom: The doctor was so mad! (cough) 'cause the nurses were coming into my room without masks and gloves on. (cough)
D: I thought your pneumonia was just caused by the flu. Do they think you're still contagious?
D's Mom: (cough) He said I have the "H" virus.
D: "H" what?
D's Mom: (cough) I don't know. He says it's the "AV"...something. The "AV" flu.
D: Mom. Did he say you have avian flu?
D's Mom: It might have been "AVN." I can't remember all those letters! (cough)

To be fair, Donna (D's Mom) has been really sick the past few days, so it's understandable that she'd be a little confused. She started having chills during her 24-hour bus ride from Pennsylvania to Missouri, where she was to begin training for her new job, felt bad enough to go to the clinic on Tuesday, and has been in the hospital since Thursday. They had her isolated in ICU for a while. Yeah, apparently it's that bad.

The good news is, they don't actually know for sure that it's H5N1, and even if it is, no strains of that particular virus have been transmitted from human to human. I'm hoping that by next month, this will just be the punchline to another mother-in-law joke and not the basis for an episode of House. Or a Lifetime movie.

~CKL

I am a Twelve-Year-Old Girl

No, this is not an Internet-dog-joke variant. I'm just very much in touch with my inner tween.

Consider: Of my wife and myself, I am the one who wanted to go see Enchanted in the theatre. I am also the one who sat through all three hours of MTV's broadcast of Legally Blonde: The Musical. And enjoyed most of it. (D sat down for a little while, but had to leave during "Gay or European," after giving me her trademark "What the hell are you watching?" look.)

I even teared up at the end of the cut-rate ABC TV version of Annie--you know, the crazy 1999 production with that stupid "NYC" song and in which Annie doesn't actually sing "Tomorrow." Like I said, crazy. But worth watching for Alan Cumming and Kristin Chenoweth alone.

Anyway. How cool is it that three out of five of this year's Best Original Song nominees are from Enchanted? I mean, okay, it's not really fair to put The Frames up against the guys who did The Little Mermaid and Wicked, but you can't argue with quality.

And I am curious about, but mostly dreading, the musical version of Time After Time, a sequel to H.G. Wells' The Time Machine. Unless they go wacky and include a dancing Morlock kick-line. That might be worth seeing.

~CKL

Phrase of the Week

Courtesy of BoingBoing:

Browsing the web from Guatemala is always an adventure. Works okay when there's electricity, which hasn't been very steady while I've been down here over the last few weeks (there have been some big blackouts here related to a sketchy power grid, and unusually intense windstorms). What sucks worse than the lights dimming, or DSL or sat bombing out? Constant Google cockblocking.

Read the complete post and further discussion at "(Guatemala) Google is sorry."

In related news, I was a bit surprised that the San Francisco Chronicle would choose to bleep out "cock" in Tim Goodman's TV Talk Machine podcast, but allow the compound "cockblocking" to remain uncensored.

Of course, former US President Jimmy Carter would never resort to using such crude language. He is much more eloquent than that.

I Got What America Needs Right Here

Sometimes I'm a little stupid, maybe, a little slow in the head, so I'm wondering if you can help me get something straight....

Speechless

Actors support the writers' strike:



In other news:



Yup, I've finished my 50,000+ word NaNoWriMo novel for this year! I feel somewhat less successful and triumphant than the last two years, since I wasn't able to finish the complete story that I wanted to tell. But I did bring it to an abrupt, unsatisfying ending, which I understand is not uncommon for fantasy epics.

I also wasn't able to spend quite as much time writing this year, thanks to getting sick for several days early in the month and having other social commitments to honor, including a couple of TV Nights (D and I invite friends over to watch Heroes, three episodes at a time--thanks TiVo!) and a trip to Portland to visit our friend Mike and see the sights.

Just to bring this post full circle... Mike has a character named after him in the upcoming movie Case 39, starring Renee Zellweger, screenplay written by Mike's friend Ray. Mike would have preferred someone who looked more like himself to play the part of "Detective Mike Barron," but he supposes Deadwood badass Ian McShane will have to do.

The Mighty Pencil

Best. Strike Video. Ever So Far.



See many, many more at United Hollywood, or all over YouTube.

I have to admit, this is my favorite part of the WGA strike. Who needs TV when you've got all this free entertainment on the Internet?

Reality Bites

(EDIT: added screenshot below)

The latest Nielsen ReelResearch Survey (which I signed up for the last time I was in Las Vegas, and which has been a source of intermittent entertainment) contains a portion asking me which of these reality shows I would be most likely to watch, should the current writers' strike continue beyond January.



I want to emphasize that I am not making up any of this. I've only added links below for editorializing:

Million Dollar Password – A modernized take on the original game show. Regis Philbin will host

Moment of Truth – Contestants will answer personal questions while being connected to a polygraph machine

Duel – This game show has contestants going “head-to-head” for the opportunity to win a big jackpot

Clash of the Choirs – Celebrities go back to their home towns to establish an amateur singing group and these choirs compete live

My Dad is Better than Your Dad – Dads lead their families in fun competitions against other fathers and their families

American Gladiators – Hosted by Hulk Hogan, this show follows four women and four men as they take on contestants

Do You Trust Me? – Tucker Carlson hosts. Contestants who are strangers wager how much they trust one another

Dance War: Bruno vs. Carey Ann – The choreographer judges from “Dancing With the Stars” coach their own dance teams through a routine each week

Oprah Winfrey’s The Big Give – This show centers on the competition, drama and emotion as millions of dollars are given away to make a difference in people’s lives

Baby Borrowers – Five young couples ages 16-19 must set up a home and take on various stages of parenthood

When Women Rule the World – Participants are brought to a remote island where women have the opportunity to rule as they build a newly formed society

Amne$ia – In this game show contestants must answer questions from their own lives for money and prizes. Hosted by Dennis Miller

You want another reason to end the writers' strike? I give you twelve. (Thirteen, if you count "American Gladiators" and Hulk Hogan separately.)

Please, show your support for the WGA--go buy some pencils or something.

It's real simple: WGA==Right, AMPTP==Wrong.

It really is that simple, folks. The good news is, the AMPTP has agreed to re-open negotiations with the WGA on November 26th, the Monday after Thanksgiving. And I'm encouraged by all the pro-WGA, positive press that's been hitting the mainstream in the last week.

As Mark Harris notes in his "Why the Striking Writers Are Right" piece for Entertainment Weekly, the WGA took a lot longer than it should have to get its message out--quite frankly, it wasn't nearly as prepared for its own strike as the other side was. But now that the writers are speaking out, in newspapers and magazines and on the Internet, their message is loud and clear.

Here's my favorite rebuttal from Harris' article:

The AMPTP's first response to this [proposal] was to waste weeks by advocating a complete abolition of the residual system. Why, they argued, should writers get paid anything for their work after it's released? Studio chiefs who are smart enough to know better even hauled out a tired old maxim attributed to the late MCA titan Lew Wasserman -- "My plumber doesn't charge me every time I flush the toilet" -- and repeated it in perfect Karl Rove everybody-stay-on-message lockstep.

Ugh. Lines like that give you a taste of what the entertainment world will be like if management ends up doing its own writing. Not to belabor an already disgusting analogy, but writers -- and directors and actors, who have their own renegotiations coming up -- aren't the plumber: They're the water. Without them, nothing goes anywhere, and you end up with a toilet full of...well, let's just say "reruns."

Zing! Long story short: WGA==Right. AMPTP==Wrong. It's that simple. Spread the word.

The Lie Is Also A Lie: Primary Sources

It's the second week of the Writers Guild strike, and things are just starting to get ugly. Yesterday, the AMPTP went Godwin and dropped the word "blacklist" into a press release. The WGA responded with a concise and focused message:

Mr. Counter's charge is as offensive as it is untrue. To accuse the Writers Guild of America of blacklisting, when it was we who suffered the most from it in the past, is simply Mr. Counter's desperate attempt to divert attention from the fact that it was he who walked out of the negotiations, and it is he who refuses every day to return to the table. The WGA has an offer on the table and is ready and willing to meet with the AMPTP any day, anywhere.

If this was an Internet forum, the producers would already have lost the argument. But in the world of old media, the corporations that employ the producers also employ the newspapers, and it's unclear where public support currently lies.

I'm not going to tell you what to think. I'm just going to tell you what the writers and producers each want, in their own words. New Media Residuals are the main sticking point in this strike, so let's focus on that.

(Aside: it's probably not a coincidence that the WGA makes their contract proposals easy to read, in a plain text web page, while the AMPTP hides all their contracts inside PDF documents.)

Here's what the WGA wants, according to their Contract 2007 Proposals:

Non-Traditional Media Residuals

WGA Proposal: We propose all TV and theatrical content earn a residual payment of 2.5% of the distributor’s gross for re-use on non-traditional media, including the Internet, cellular technology and any other delivery system not already covered in the MBA [Minimum Basic Agreement].

Let's do the math: that means, for a $1.99 iTunes download of a House episode, the writer would get less than five cents. Surely that seems reasonable? I mean, you wouldn't have any content if someone didn't write it; and if you're making money from that content, it seems fair to give the people who created it a little piece of the action.

Well, the AMPTP disagrees. Here's their proposal, as described in the Comprehensive Package they presented during negotiations on October 25, 2007:

11. Residual Payments for Theatrical and Television Motion Pictures...

(C) Add a provision to the MBA stating that there shall be no residual payments for the exhibition or distribution of theatrical and television motion pictures, whether in whole or in part, in new media (other than as set forth in the “Sideletter on Exhibition of Motion Pictures Transmitted Via the Internet”). For this purpose, the term “new media” means any digital distribution platform now known or which is hereafter developed during the term of the 2007 Writers Guild of America Theatrical and Television Basic Agreement, including, but not limited to, digital video on demand, alternative digital broadcast channels, Internet exhibition, PDAs, broadband and cell phones.

Translation: the corporations want to pay nothing in residuals. Zero, zilch, nada.

They want to turn the clock back to the 1950s, when they could buy a show like I Love Lucy--which is still running today--and play it over and over again without ever paying the writers another penny. Viacom has been milking that cash cow for over fifty years, but the writers have gotten absolutely nothing.

Does that seem right to you?

The Cake is a Lie

The pie, on the other hand, is quite delicious.

(Graphics by Adam Levermore-Rich)

The Writers Guild of America (WGA) strike began yesterday. The title of this post comes from John Rogers, who enjoys cake as well as the video game Portal, and has a lot to say about why the strike happened and what should be done to end it. I mean, a lot. All you really need to know is the tiger bit. (Maybe the clip from The Daily Show. It is, after all, the last new episode you're going to see for a while.)

Another John, Mr. August to you, is tagging his strike-related blog posts for easy reading. Over at Artful Writer, Craig Mazin and Ted Elliott are doing the same.

Elsewhere, Brian K. Vaughn and Ken Levine also discuss the situation which led to the strike. Jane Espenson and Lisa Klink talk about being on the picket lines.

Many others are posting at United Hollywood.

Last, but not least, here's the "Pencils Down" full-page ad in which dozens of showrunners pledge not to write during the strike.

I'm only a pair of eyeballs in all this, but the major issues seem pretty clear-cut. When the writer of a show only gets paid .3% for DVD residuals (royalties)--that's less than a third of one percent--something is hideously broken.

If it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage. And now it ain't on the page. Deal with that, Hollywood.

The Drooling Starts Now

News roundup:

Watch with Kristin - Best News Ever! Joss Whedon Spills Exclusive Deets on His New Series

Welcome to the "Dollhouse": Joss Whedon Returns to Television

Eliza Dushku Lures Joss Whedon Back to TV!

Joss Whedon preps Fox series: 'Dollhouse' to star 'Buffy's' Eliza Dushku

Now taking bets on whether there will be references to Henrik Ibsen and/or Todd Solondz in the pilot. I'm sure we'll see both before the end of the season, if it gets a full order--Fox only wants seven episodes to start.

It would really tickle me if Joss and Tim "13 episodes" Minear would start treating their partial-season new-series orders as full story arcs, and write them like BBC series. D and I just watched Jekyll, and while it had some problems toward the end, it was a solid six-episode structure. It was a complete series--nothing "mini" about it. Get with it, American TV! Less is more! Quality not quantity! etc.

Instant Heroes

NetFlix should seriously be advertising the heck out of this: You can watch new episodes of Heroes via their "Watch Instantly" service, the same week they air. No DVR or advance planning required. Hooray for convenience! (The bad news is coming. Wait for it.)

The service had piss-poor selection when it launched earlier this year, but it's looking much nicer now. Unfortunately, and here's the bad news, the other problems still exist: you have to use Windows XP and IE6, deal with Microsoft's crappy DRM, and you have to stream the episodes--no downloading for later offline viewing. So Web 1.0. Are they gonna get a sock puppet mascot too?

But it's still marginally better than Amazon Unbox, which forces you to install additional software to manage their own proprietary DRM. Also, you don't have to pay-per-view for each show or movie on NetFlix; you get as many hours of viewing per month as the number of dollars you pay for your subscription.

In my case, that's seventeen hours, and much more than my actual free time per month. But it's nice to know that I could go online, fire up a browser, and watch Pan's Labyrinth or Time Bandits whenever I want. It's not perfect, but I've got to admit, it's getting better.

Quote of the Day

"I can't believe NBC is promoting Bionic Woman like this. What a terrible idea."
- snarky comment on Boing Boing: MIT student arrested for entering Boston airport with "fake bomb"

Flight of the Bowie

Okay, so I'm a few weeks behind, but I watched the "Bowie" episode of Flight of the Conchords last night, and musically, it's brilliant. Even better than the guest appearance by the man himself on Extras last year, I'd say.

And it really works because they don't even attempt to explain why David Bowie (well, their version of him, anyway) shows up in the episode. Bowie exists in a reality unto himself, and that's part of the joke. Total genius.

Here's Bret dreaming about "1976 David Bowie, from the Ziggy Stardust tour:"

And here's the first part of the absolutely fabulous "Bowie's In Space" music video:

My only complaint about the series is that outside of the songs, the comedy tends to be a little too broad. The gender role reversal in "Girlfriends" was hilarious, but the main characters--Jermaine, Bret, and band manager Murray--are played as complete idiots who wouldn't survive a New York minute in the real world. I don't mind that they're clueless, or naively child-like, but being so utterly vacant is starting to break the fourth wall for me.

Dollars and Sense

"$5 an episode?" asks screenwriter Alex Epstein on his blog. That's what NBC wanted to charge for their TV shows in the iTunes store, which Apple refused to do, preferring to stick with their current $2-per-episode price.

(Not to say I told you so, but I talked about this distribution method in my 2001 "Pay for TV" post. It's really only a matter of time before blind broadcasting--i.e., spewing content into the ether without knowing if anyone's actually watching--is a thing of the past.)

I'd love to pick a side here, but both Apple and NBC are being pretty boneheaded. I'm guessing NBC is already trying to figure out how to build their own online video store, but even if they do, it will suck. On the other hand, Apple needs to think about broadening its pricing horizons.

$5 an episode is too much, but Alex makes some good points about how consumers would be willing to pay a little more for the newest shows, and would be more willing to buy reruns if they were a little cheaper. You wouldn't sell stale bread at the same price as a fresh loaf; treat content the same way.

Look. If your show is any good at all, you're going to make money. We want to watch TV. We'll even pay for it. But don't get greedy! Push the price up too far, or make it too annoying to deal with your idiotic DRM crap, and people will just flock to BitTorrent.

UPDATE 2007-09-05: NBC is going with Amazon Unbox. No word yet on exactly what their packaging/pricing scheme will be, but hopefully Amazon can talk some sense into the peacock.

Fight For The Future

Reflect, for a minute, on who America's grandparents are being taught to hate: Americans who do what Americans are supposed to do, what our founders implored us to do: debate vigorously and in the open, the meaning of the public good. They used to call these peopl